Wolves on the hunt.

I Run.
My past chases me, Like hungry wolves on the hunt.
Everywhere I go, Everywhere I look,
I see the shadow of my old self,
It tells me I can't escape
I know I should just accept
But I'm nothing but a coward
I have no courage, I cant walk on my own two feet
I'm nothing but a leech
Let me feed on your kindness and love my dear.
I need you,
I breathe for you,
And I don't want that air to run out.
But it seems you are tired,
I'm nothing but a burden
A cross you need to carry
Only time will tell
and eventually you will let go.
Maybe I should also let go
Maybe this is the best for us my dear.
It was a good run, It was fun while it lasted
A new year will come.
But our hearts will never be the same.
Its time for the wolves to end their hunt
And let them Gnaw on me.
Let them tear me apart
Let them break my old shell
so I can be reborn.
into something new.

Tragedy

And I'm nothing but a tragedy.
Like the calm before a storm,
 I step in and the breeze becomes a gust.
With my clouded mind, My mouth keeps saying things I did not mean.
But here you are, Killing me with your kindness.
Ripping my skin slowly.
At the same time I know you are walking away.
Like a car on ice we are spinning out of control
Like an open wound you need time to heal.
But I, All I have done was disappoint.
I'm digging my own grave,
Opening Pandora's box,
and its hard to take back everything I have said.
I have searched far and wide, I have already accepted it
Ill be forever a mess, even I have no idea who,
or what I have become.
Now the lights I see them sparking from the distance
All you can hear is a faint voice of mine.

Hello love.

Oh hello love my invincible friend.
I have so many questions for you,
But here I lay under a blanket of gentle snow
The clouds they pass by.
But you brought me down, down to my knees.
You make my mind hazy.
and my chest heavy.
My nights restless
and my eyes red.
oh hello love.

Oasis.

lost in thought
I could hear it,
Drifting through the wind.
Rain drops sounding like bells.
In the darkest of nights.
Nothing but the moon lights the
desolate lands.
And here I'am in the middle of the ocean
Stuck in my own boat of sorrow.
I'm looking for that light
That will lead me to safer shores.
Where are you my light house?
I saw you from miles away.
But the closer I get the further you go.
Tired I'am indeed. But I will
come and knock on your door
Until you open. Ill be here, waiting.
I mourn for my sanity,
For my demons eat me slowly.
You say to me my dear that you are afraid.
But I have room for more,
Inside of me is a living hell.
 it well shelter you from your nightmares.
it can be home to the darkness inside of you.
I'am nothing but a man with a dream.
But I'am ready to give my everything,
For someone with nothing.

Sinking.

I woke up from my slumber
Noticed that the world was gone
Nothing but darkness.
I was already drowning when I woke up
wish you found me when I was awake
but it's to late now. I try to reach out my hand
but you seem so far away. I look up and your walls keep going higher.
My skin cracks from the coldness of the water.
I linger for your warm embrace, And your gentle kisses.
I can no longer swim up. for this rock tied to my foot wont come loose.
I did see a glimpse of light. it was your hand. but then it slowly faded.
You walked away. But I don't blame you.
I tried reaching for you, calling out your name.
But my voice started to fade away.
I wasted my chance, You held me tight but my mind was not right.
Now I'm slowly sinking in my own prison.
Forgive me my dear. I just did not want you to fall in with me
in this dark abyss.
Maybe it was best that you walked away.
Who know's what demons linger inside my shattered mind
So I guess this is goodbye. for who was once but not really mine.

Thoughts of a Loner

Why are you trying to become so hollow?
Why are you deleting all these memories you worked hard for?
All this feelings you have had since you where born.
Why do you Linger to be in a place such as Limbo my child?

" Well maybe because I'm tired.
Tired of loving, My faint heart cant take too much of a beating any more
My eyes won't even drop a single tear. So I just stand in the rain and pretend.
Don't get me wrong. I'm drowning in sorrow. Deep inside, yes.
But all I'am is a shell of my old self. I want to forget.
Forget about everything. For hope only brought despair.
And being optimistic only gave me disappointment.
You see these memories, We made them and enjoyed them,
But for what? We only lose them in the end and beg for more
when our time has come."

-Thoughts of a nihilistic loner

Clouded.

Let me suffocate on your embrace.
Let me feel your soft kisses on my tired eyes.
Let your Tender Voice reach my troubled mind.
Don't let me fade away.
I'm buried deep in the snow
Slowly melting, Fading away like smoke.
The wind slowly dissipates me.
Turning me into the clouds above
Watching over the town.
Nothing but a spirit
Trapped in his own mind.
Smoke filled air, Was I even here?

Winter Solace.

I looked at the calendar and noticed it was November.
Sometimes time feels like it has stopped.
But in truth it flies by really fast.
The Snow falls.
The roofs white as a mountain top
I stepped out side and went inside my blanket of snow
Its weird. The snow feels warm and comfortable
I'm buried in this solace of snow.
maybe ill just melt and be forever forgotten
Time is ticking away but also my sanity.

The Last Dance.

Hello my dear, You should really stop crying. Your make up is starting to get ruined. 

You don't need to worry. Ill be here beside you.

I'll Hold you close and hug you tight. 

Your hair smells so nice, Even if it is coated with rubble. 

It makes me remember the day that I met you.

Your lips, oh how red they are. Soft and gentle.

Looking at your and having you this close to me.

Heart to Heart. I have you wrapped around in my arms

I wish we could stay like this forever.

I almost forgot where we were.

This town we live in. it was never great. But it was a beautiful.

Don't worry my dear, No need to listen to the screams and cries of the people.

Whatever happens ill be here right beside you. 

There is nothing we can do. I know you are tired from the running

So lets have this last dance my dear. 

We can dance till the sirens stop. 

We can move our bodies to the beat of the gunfire. 

You can just close your eyes and listen to the beating of my heart.

I might be bleeding but do not worry my dear. Rest your tired eyes

Hold on to my hand. When we open our eyes we will be in heaven

Surely they will accept us, I do not know what we did wrong. 

But it seems the world hates us.

This is a goodbye. 

But let us leave while dancing under the smoke filled air.

I do wish the bombs never came. But I guess this is our fate.

This is our last dance my dear. Hold on tight. And remember 

"I love you forever".

 

Hollow.

And there I was, Laying down on my comfortable bed. It felt like vines where pushing me down.
I did not want to move. Nor had the energy to.
I looked at the clock It said 6. But I did not know what it was. Was it morning? or was it night?
All I knew that it was winter. Winter always has long nights. So I was unsure.
My mind was Perplexed. I was worried but not sure why.
My nights and days were restless. I was Emaciated.
Ennui also took over me.
I did not know what to do. but all I wanted to do was rest my Tired eyes

Marionette

Let us dance my dear. While our tears flow down our tired eyes.
Chaos is what you wanted, Is it not?
You look at me all confused.
We both know you stitched these strings on my skin.
Playing me around like a marionette.
But in the end it was you who was the main attraction
the stage was set with all the right actors.
Now as the guitars and violins echoes through the hall
we dance beneath this sorrowful moon.
The flood is rising my dear.
But I know you plan to stay behind
I'm sorry but I cant help it
Only a grin I can show but no remorse.

Nostalgia

Nostalgia. what a great feeling to have. And at the same time I hate it.
It makes me remember things about the past.
Nostalgia only gives me remorse.

Freedom. .

Oh how lucky the birds are, Flying in the endless sky.
Lucky are the fishes in the vast ocean.
With that kind of freedom, What would you do?
I'm a Bird but trapped in a cage
I'm also a Fish. But trapped in my own aquarium

Save?

When you can't save yourself, Can someone else save you?

Regret?

I do not wish to be a time traveller, For everything that has happened, Happened for a reason.
I do wish I could undo some mistakes I have made. But the road only goes forward.
Regret lingers in me. And its eating me deep. I don't know how long I can cage the animal in my head
My chest is about to explode.  All I can do is take a deep breath. And look ahead.

Human?

My mind is hazy, My body is shaking, My bones are shivering, My eyes empty like a dark abyss. underneath this skin, there is a human. But why do I feel like I'm dead already. or maybe I'm lost already.

Disappointment

Do you hate yourself? she asked me. I said yes, I hate myself more than anyone. When she heard that she just sat there and played with the straw in her cup. After a while of just staring into nothing she stood up and said, I'm sorry goodbye. And there I saw her vanish before my eyes, I was left in the diner with pancakes in front of me. nothing I could have done but sigh.

Mirage.

I know I don't belong here. I know no one will understand me. It was fate that told me that I should be alone. I never rejected any help but they were the ones that gave up. And I was left waiting for a hand to reach out. I walk around with a blank face because I have given up. I keep wasting effort that I knew had no results. They told me to work hard, But for what? Now I look in the mirror and can't help to be sad, I don't even know my self any more. Its been 3 years since I have been locked up inside my room. Then I wrote about random things on the internet to get it off my chest. But nothing changed. I'm going to stop this charade, I was no Oasis, But surely I was a mirage...

What?...

I can feel it inside my skin. Inside my bones. I'm shaking, I cant control it. What is this? All I can do is crawl in my bed with the blanket wrapped around me. I could try to ask for help. But why search for something that is not there? I'm shivering. I feel cold. I feel it in my bones. I try to cover my ears and hold my head. What is this? I'm breaking piece by piece..

Drowning.

The rain falls on me, It feels so comfortable but I can't seem to cry. The problem is, I'm Drowning. But why does it feel so good. The rain keeps falling. I'm Drowning. With only my head above the water. Is death embracing me?

Thoughts

Tired and cold there I stand beside my window looking outside. The sky looks so beautiful but too bright. These walls I feel like they are closing on me. I do not wish to be here but always want to be here. I'm a Paradox. Maybe a soul in limbo?

The Comfort of my hands.

Hello September, I never knew you were just around the corner. Its so cold, I think winter will come early. Time is moving so fast, But I think I have always said that. Its so cold, Very cold. But my hands feel warm around my neck. Death is embracing me. It is calling me. I still have the strength to control it. But why does Death feel so comfortable. Maybe because the only real thing in this world is Death. And life is a lie. Because we all die in the end. I want to be buried, Buried in the snow. feeling cold, But having my warm hand around my neck. That would feel really good. I don't really have any right to complain can I? Like a beggar on the street people will just pass by. They would cover their noses when they do because the stench of death would linger nearby. I'm alive outside but dead in the inside. My smile says Hi, I'm doing fine. But my eyes scream help.

Sigh.

Such sweet words you whisper, But my ear bleeds from every word you say. I can feel the rain falling down on me, I can't seem to cry even though I wanted too, Its not that I'm strong, No, its not my strong pride. I can't cry because I'm tired. I have become numb. Hollow like a stump, What am I?
I look in the mirror with a confused look. I see not me but another.

I can not Falter.

I used to have this burning Passion, I used to have such a fiery soul, But now its  filled with cigarette holes. To be honest I don't really know what to do. Once you had a taste of what reality is, It's hard to get it out of your mind. I walk through the streets with my hand in my pocket and headphones on my ear. Hoping that music would take me away from this harsh reality. Sometimes I wish I was lost in sea, Never to be found, Just like Atlantis. Let me fade away from the maps in peoples memories. They never really thought of me in the first place. I'm tired of wearing masks, It makes me weary and dreary. Let me just rest and sleep with my eyes closed forever. But no, I can not break, not today or tomorrow. I do wish for myself to end. But I can not falter, I still need to do things even though I'm lost. There are things I still need to do. I do not wish to die and give debt too those I call family. But once the last coin has dropped into the collectors pocket. I think ill shall be on my way into limbo. Forever lost and forgotten.

At your service.

Let me tell you this, I know I have always told you to never give up. I always try my best to help you whenever I can. I did not even care when you cried because he broke your heart. I was there beside you  with my shoulder all wet because you cried non stop, I held you tight and told you everything will be All-right. Whenever we would go out and it would rain I was there and hold the umbrella for you. But then you vanished without taking to me any more, But I did not care, I was used to it. Its funny how you do a lot for someone, But when they don't need you any more you become a stranger to them. I faded away, I feel like a ghost in limbo, Just wandering around always ready to give a helping hand, Building my bridges even thought people burn them. Sometimes I say to my self I should stop the good guy act or ill end up dead or hurt someone else, But I said to my self, I can't, I really can't. I don't care. I have had this façade for a long time. But deep inside I have always expect the pain that will come, They say its good to feel pain, Because you know you are still alive. I have been like this since I was young, And once you get used to it its hard to change, It does hurt me, It hurts me a lot like a blade that hits me deep in my heart. I'm maybe human and I don't want to lose my humanity. But I'm only a cigarette to the eyes of others, Use me then just throw me away when you are satisfied. well I don't mind. even though its sad. It makes me feel useful, But ill always feel like a ghost in limbo, Wandering around. Ready to be used...

I'm tired.

My Bridges Grow longer but Their walls grow higher, I'm so tired. You can see me sitting on a corner rotting, Moss comes out from my Hollowed body. My eyes so bloodshot and Black they all think I'm dead. But if you stand closer and actually listened my heart is still beating, Love is still flowing even though the darkness it embraces me. I want to lose hope, But hope wont lose me, it hurts, It hurts a lot but I don't Mind, The pain it reminds me that I'm still alive. I swam in the river of hopes and dreams but the current it took me to the vast ocean. Now I'm confused. Like a sailor that has lost his compass. Where is north? Where is south?. But maybe sometimes being lost in a cruel world is much nicer, Let me drift more further from reality. Only problem is the more you want to be as far away as possible from reality, the more harder it yanks you back. My lips are dry my words mute, I tried talking. But everyone seems deaf. Ill just hug a tree and slowly become one with it. And ill be back from where I came from. From the soils of earth.




"Our life here is just a momentary illusion, and someday reality would yank us back to the world we came from.”

Salvation.

They told me to be afraid of death, But I told them that in death there is no pain, there is no life. I'm not telling you to not fear death but also fear life, Because life is not permanent unlike death it ends. Fear for your life, Do everything you want to do. For life is so fragile and death can take it any time it wants. Most of the time I don't really think people read the stuff I write it, Depression lingers deep inside my vain's. Never think you are suffering alone, we are all here in this world to suffer but that does not mean we are alone. We are under the same sky. same moon, same sun. Don't look up. Look forward. Look ahead of you and make a future for yourself. If you want to kill yourself, Kill your old self. Be reborn a new person. Do not speak of death as salvation. Who knows about the afterlife? What if we just suffer more even after in death, Would you take that risk? Live life, Suffer and complain because that is life. Make loneliness your friend, Embrace your past but never say Death is salvation. We are the lonely people, The broken and the demented. Together we will suffer but not falter, We shall live the way we want too. But I, I'm different. I'm stubborn and most have given up on me. But Ill never give up on other people. So ill be an example. If you don't want to end up like me, Do better. I'm nothing but a soul in Limbo. Hollow like a stomp, Eyes tired and dead. But I'm still smiling somehow I don't know how. We can survive. 

Time in a hurry

Its too fast, Slow down please. Like a speeding car, yesterday it was only winter now its autumn, I did not even notice the seasons change. I did not even notice time change. I only closed my eyes for a few and when I woke up everything around me was different. Slow down please. Because I'm all frozen and left behind. I cant keep up. Time is such a curse.

The ravens watch

I deserve nothing, What have I have done to accept your kindness?, The ravens watch because they know the horrors I've done. The ticks of the clock, The gears slowly moving I hear them. The sound of the rain, The wind hits my windows. Even the night knows, Because it wont let me rest. She has left, And you have left, Everybody has left. Loneliness stays beside me like a loyal dog. It makes no sound, But I know he is there, With his friend remorse, Us three are best of friends, an unbroken chain. The ravens watch me and look down upon me. because they know.

My bed (literally)

She would always be there, Day or night. If I go to her  she is always there, Always waiting for me. I could say I cant survive without her, Even in the coldest of night of the hottest of summer. She would be there always with arms open wide, She is my bed. But even she who is always there unlike most of my friends. She can never save me from the demons that lingers in my head. But she always comforts me, may it be sadness or happiness. She's there to share it. If she could talk I think she would also say I love you. When I'm tired or sick she is there telling me to rest. But still some nights where my head is not clear she cant seem to help. She's not perfect but I know she will always be there for me. Oh my dear bed. Just like my best friend loneliness, The bed is my mistress for the night is my lover. It loves to torment me. Lately even with my bed beside me. I find my nights sleepless. I know she is sad, But there is nothing to be done. I just lay here eyes wide open. Looking deep in the darkness.

The Girl

She kissed my tired eyes and whispered lush words to my troubled ears. She only had a smile, She held my face with her warm hands, Laid my head on her body. Wrapped her self around me. I could feel her sympathy. She hugged me, Hugged me till her shoulder was drenched with my tears. She held me as close as she can. Not saying a word but only rubbing my back. I could feel the sadness slowly fade away because she was absorbing it. Her hair had a beautiful smell, When I looked at her she would place a finger on my lips and hold me close again. she told me to keep closing my eyes, And she was right. Because the moment I opened them. She was not there, She was never there. Now my mind slowly drifts away. I feel the walls closing in. closing in this bottomless hole, Let me be left in silence. Goodbye.

Serenity

I miss the sound of the ocean, The sound of the waves slowly put me to sleep. But my sandcastles get washed away, It slowly fades away. I miss the sound of the rain. The pitter-patter on my rooftop is a delight, It is serene. I miss the sound of the wind, Under a tree I rest my head, watching the clouds above, As the trees sway the birds hang on the branches and happily chirp. Nowadays I only hear the ticking of the clock, My out of tuned piano breaks the silence. With a cup of coffee in my hand, I try hard to not shiver from the cold. It has been cold nowadays, I do like the snow. And how they fall onto my skin, Rabbits burrow. I do like every season. But no matter how much the season changes, I feel the same. Nowadays I have a smoke always in my hand or my mouth, Slowly fading away with no sound. Like the ashes of my cigarette. The wind is slowly taking me away. Far away in a distant land, with no sound. But only serenity.

Shiver

So I laid there on the concrete floor. Funny how it seems that the floor is much more comfortable than my bed. Where is my bed? I do hope the bus does not miss me. But I'm too weak to get up. Ill just crawl into this little hole, Sheltering my self from the snow. It is cold, Cold indeed but my skin does not feel it, It goes through it. Its my bones that are shivering, I feel cold, Give me a blanket?
All I see are feet, People are always in a hurry nowadays, Its like I'm near the ocean, Because all these wave of faces keep on coming. They are all in a hurry, Places to go, who knows where? They told me to take a picture for it last longer. It hurts every time I look at this piece of photograph because I remember the old me. Now I don't even dare look at the mirror. I'm scared of what abomination I would see. My head it dances with the wind. Its slowly fading away. What is it to be sane? But everyone is insane I suppose. who knows? Oh please wont you give me a smoke? its the only way I could day dream nowadays.

Wallflower.

I don't mind just standing here in a crowded room with a drink in my hand, Watching all the people talking with laughter, Sometimes they even step on my shoe and I say sorry. I listen to their stories, and nod in agreement. It can be fun to be a wall flower, Observing and watching, Just don't forget to water me. But I guess all flowers wither away, That's why you don't bother. I guess its not that bad to be a Wall flower, Biding my time. Drinking my wine. They sometimes pick my petals just for fun, I don't mind at least they got their amusement, It makes me feel useful. I got this smile on my face, or is it just a mask?

Running.

My Legs can't stop running, They can't stop moving, The problem is I can't control them. I always wonder where they want to go. But things seems to happen on their own. I know their there. But sometimes the sensation fades away. I look down and see them moving. And when I look up I'm somewhere that I have never been too. I guess I will let the breeze take me.

False hope.

If you are going to feed me, feed me right. No artificial's. we both know we hate small talk. So let us get this over with, We  don't want to waste each others time, But our body wants more, My heart is confused. Are you going to let me in? or will you build a higher wall. I walk down memory lanes but now I guess it is fading away. I sit here and wait, Looking at your pretty face. No words but only smiles from you. You know I cant read minds? Do not feed me with lies, because I know you will let me choose, Your Body only and no Heart, or you will give me your heart but not your body.

Medicine.

There I was looking outside my window, Picked up my Medicine. I was looking afar saw the birds flying, I picked up my Medicine. I wish I could still be what I used to be but I took my Medicine.
My head went blank, Because of the Medicine. My arm had lines Like branches on a tree, so deep like a pit. I took my medicine, Slowly taking it in my mouth. I laid there on my bed. with the medicine slowly drifting inside me.

Caged

The hardest part is suppressing the monsters in your head. Even if you let it out a little, It will destroy you slowly. Today I almost broke my hand, This is why you need to always suppress no matter how hard it is. You need to control it, There are certain things in the worlds you cant let run freely like an unleashed dog. I need to contain it, Or ill lose it. Even if its killing you in the inside, Just let your ears stay open. Even if the words hurt, Even if you want to flip the table. No don't. Don't lose it, because if you do, you will lose your humanity. And I'm almost at my end. I don't know when I can still suppress. All I can do is listen while my mind slowly fades away.

penitence

Walking down the street, Only the night lights are my Guide. Drunken laughter all around. Its funny that happiness can be easily made, But also it can be easily taken away. Hands in my pockets, smoke in my mouth. The winter snow falls down, It felt like it was summer the other day. but time goes down so quickly. Times ticks and waits for no one. I wanted to be frozen. So I was. And now I'm way behind. So hard to catch up, Like a train that has already left. I watch time as it fades away. I might be lost you say? Even if I knew the way I would not know which way to go. Roads never end, and they also don't stay the same. My head was a cage for my trouble thoughts, If I ever opened the door. My heart would not bleed crimson red, Black as hate would flow, No I was never a kind person, So kill me slowly please, Maybe with a kiss. I deserve this you see. For I pulled the trigger and let my life wonder. Yes It was I, so don't blame your self. Let me carry this load, And slowly prick my skin with kindness...

Blissful Solace.

Isn't this a Bliss? But why are there tears running down my face? I'm happy right? Or maybe I smile because I'm sad. My hands are on the keys of the piano, I can't control them. My eyes are closed because I want them to stay that way. I want to be lost in reverie, Please don't call my name or tap me on the shoulder, I don't want to find my way back home, I want to go as far away as possible, Let me dream even if its for a while. The walls are closing in I can feel it, No need to remind me that time is starting to tick again, Because I can hear it in the background, But please let me stay this way, Lost in reverie like a cigarette daydream. The click of the Camera, These flashes of memories, The tears just keep on coming, Why do we live to make these memories, Just to lose them in the end? I want to question But please don't give me an answer, So please just listen. Listen very closely, Because if you cant hear me breath any more I think my time has already ended. Forget me if you will, But please Just listen. Listen to the beat of my heart, Because if you don't listen closely, You wont notice it fade away. Don't let your eyes wonder, If you can please just watch me. Closely like when you observe a child in a cradle. Because if you don't, Maybe the next time you look I wont be there any more. Forget me if you will, But let me stay on the Ninth Cloud, In this blissful reverie. 

I Dont know.

I'm running out of words, I did not even notice my clocked has died, It died about 2 weeks ago. I just thought time has stopped. I remember last time I looked outside my window there was still snow, Now the sun is shining so bright. What day is it? Do I even know what year is it? these walls around me they seem to get closer and closer everyday. I did not even notice the lid on my face, What is this space? I can hear them putting dirt on my box. I guess this is the end?

My Friend

It follows me like a Shadow, When I think ill be safe in the night, It will be there standing in the corner watching me, It keeps me awake in the night. And in the day it sticks to me, Going where ever I go it is there beside me. It eats me like when a bee buzzes into a flower sucking it's nectar. But after a long time spending time with it, I kind of don't mind it any more, I guess I can say it has been a part of my life, Unlike most friends,  It has  always been there for me no matter what. It hugs me tight, Clings to me and never wants to let go. Oh my Dear friend, Loneliness, Why are you my only friend? 

Subjugate

There he was on the edge of the world, ready to jump in to the abyss, After he saw her he did not know what he could do any more. Don't Hold back, it was always a mirage. swept away by a breeze, the world suddenly stood still. bleeding in the middle of the night. he did everything to stop his mind from leaving. Because he knew everything was a lie, But still he hoped.

A Poem For You.

Roses are red 

Violets are blue

I'm writing this 

poem just for you

So hear me out

cause I'm running out of time

so here's a lime, go eat it. 

and you will be fine.

but wait, i got a dime

ill buy dinner for two

it wont be that much 

but at least its food

we were going to drive

down the lane

but it suddenly rained 

so we sat in our car

and looked afar

to see the sunset 

beneath the waves

as the night ascended 

the moon presented itself above

the pristine sky 

and we were delighted 

I took your hand 

and kissed it goodnight

I drove you home 

and said goodbye 

Mute.

Each day that passes by, My voice fades away. I'm scared that one day I wont be able to scream your name. Would you remember me? Or would I fade away like ashes of a cigarette, throwing me unto the ground and walking away like nothing happened. 

The Encounter

And there she stood like a scene from a movie, it was so cliché it made me shiver. She was standing on the platform of the train station, I don’t know why in these waves of faces it was only her who I noticed. Maybe it was her hair but it was black as the night above. The smoke was rising from the cigarette that I was holding I did not even notice that the ashes was falling onto my jacket. What is this feeling? Why did I notice her? I was confused and irritated for I never lay my eyes on anyone. I hate this feeling because sometimes when I see a girl of that beauty I imagine a life with them. Thus stimulating a sense of false hope. When the train finally arrived the wind slapped me across the face making me come back to my senses. When I entered the train I saw her again, she was still standing on the platform. My eyes where fixed on to her, her face looked sweet and innocent. Her eyes as blue as the ocean, Lips red but not from her lipstick it was all natural. When the train started moving, our eyes met and she showed a smile and I almost fainted inside, because it was truly a good view. My heart was racing like never before I tried to control it because I did not want to admit it. I was infatuated, after a while of day dreaming I finally controlled my loose emotions.

 There I was my back against the wall, I'm a veteran in the field I shall not let my self be fooled with this false emotions for I already have thrown them away. Hope shall only bring despair for this is the path that I have chosen, I am a nihilistic loner, my philosophy was never spot on but I say things based on experience, I live by my own words and maybe some phrases from books I've read. I did not want this false emotions to make me awake at night for I was already sleepless, love has no bounds and it is stronger than hatred, the only problem with love is that sometimes it’s hard to know if it is real or not. People tend to use love in a careless way nowadays some speak it so casually but in truth they don’t even know what it means. My mind was confused. Questions where heading straight into my head like who was she? Where is she from? Does she go to my school? Or will I ever see her again? Hopefully next time when I see her I won’t feel this way any more. No I'm sure next time I won’t even care about the sight of her even if she tried to look at me I know I'm only a fool In her eyes, for most of the time most girls don’t even want to be looked at. Most think that men are nothing but foul creatures only trying to get into them into bed, I think its biased why should one think and label everyone as the same. But I knew there was no point in lecturing people whose ears don’t even listen. People will always tell you that they will listen and be there for you, they only say that because they don’t want to be rude, plus they try to have an image to maintain. For me, fake people have an image to maintain but normal people just don’t really care, whatever you call them or see them as. They already know deep inside what they are. And will just ignore petty comments about them.

The night sky was beautiful you could see the starts shining above, you can try and counting them but I'm sure you won’t be able to give a number. Just like my mind, it was filled with questions. Sometimes I don’t want to know the answers for I think knowledge is scary. The more you knew the more problems it will just give you. Finally after a long day, I have arrived home, my feet were aching, and I hurried up to my room to lay my face on my bed. Wrapped myself in my blanket feeling all cozy and warm, I closed my eyes and went on to dream land. 

Reverie

Beneath the trees, A calm breeze. The sun was shining, The leaves dancing. There he was laying on the grass with his arm on his eyes, The birds singing, fluttering above his head. He stood up to see the grass dancing from the wind. Lost in reverie he thought that he was still asleep, Like a cigarette daydream.

Oyasumi PunPun

I always believed that everyone in this world was far nicer and smarter than me. That no matter how unlikeable they seemed to be, they still had a good conscience and had justifiable circumstances for acting the way they did. That’s why I hated myself for being so timid and depressed when I didn’t even have any good reason for doing so. …But now I see that there actually are people who’re despicable in every way and don’t blink twice at ruining another’s life. Now that I think about it, it’s almost strange. Why don’t most people try to kill other people? How can they just stand by and let the scum have their way without the slightest indifference? Maybe my expectations were too high. I’m only disappointed because I expected something from them. But the answer was quite simple all along. There’s no such thing as a decent human being in this world. Not a single one. I did what I had to do. And I feel quite refreshed after doing it. That’s why I can say that this world could afford to be a little more chaotic. - By PunPun Onedera From Oyasumi PunPun

Home.

She was sitting on the couch, Hugging her knees, Desperately waiting. The only sound you could hear was the ticking of the clock. Her mind was full of doubt. She waited, pondered, and wondered. With her head tilted, she looked outside of the window, Counting each leaf that has fallen from the tree. It seemed like an eternity, She was slowly losing the hope she once had. She would let out a sigh from time to time. She did her best not to whine for she knew that it would not accomplish anything. She always remembered the words that she was told. "I'll be back" that's what he said to her. And those words were graved into her like a marking on a gravestone. She could not wait any longer, She wanted to hug him, she wanted him to squeeze the sorrow out of her. Maybe punch him a little just to be playful. And then suddenly a knock on the door, She was startled like a deer in the woods hearing a hunter. She quickly rushed to the door, Opened it with a big smile on her face. But this smile did not last long for tears suddenly burst out from her tired eyes. It was him, but at the same time it was not. He was there on a piece of paper on the back of the newspaper, Right next to a Eulogy.

Crossroads

Life is Confusing, Some may have found their path but some are lost. Lost like Alice in Wonderland, slowly tumbling down to a world that we have never seen before, we see roads everywhere leading to places of unknown. Out of curiosity we go and pick which road we seem Fit to our liking. It may lead us to despair. It may also give us happiness. But for me, I don’t know which road to take. I'm stuck at a crossroads where ever I go. Voices in the air telling me where to go, I feel like I'm driving down Las Vegas, all this flashy signs and flashy lines telling me where to go and where to start. They tell me that I'm deeply lost in procrastination, so what’s the use of Persuasion? Like a Rubik’s Cube I try to solve thee, this problem I see in me. I try to follow this map in my mind, pinpointed like quests in an RPG. But somehow the breeze takes it away from me. I try to chase it down, I reach out my hand only to see a mirage of the plans that I wanted to be. Shattered and puzzled this darkness devours me, it shackles me into a long state of solitude. It ties a large rock onto my leg, slowly it drowns me into the ocean of once my dreams. As the bubbles rise I see the suns light glimmering at me. Is this the end? Like the sands that I touch with my hands it just slowly escapes pouring down back to earth. My mind and my heart battling in rage which one do I believe? As a Duo in performance, a Violinist and a Pianist both were born to be soloist they rage like a lion trapped in a cage, not giving in. they both want to win but only one victor can be announced. Is this how things are supposed to be? I for one think that with symphony this duo can create beautiful music. Thou shall not try to overcome each other but to work together. Like an orchestra, I’ll let them run free with my emotions and maybe someday, I will know where to stand, And Which road to take. Even now I know I'm falling down a rabbit hole, this thing we call life is still a puzzle to me. I’ll grow stronger because I feel pain. And feeling pain means you are still alive. I may let some people down along the way but I get to choose what path to take, All I can say Confusion embraces me like a mother holding her child tightly. Maybe someday I’ll break this bond. This chains that that suppresses me. I’ll break free. But for now ill rest in Solitude and walk along the boulevard of broken dreams. Lost but not defeated I know a lighthouse will guide me out of this darkness.