False hope.

If you are going to feed me, feed me right. No artificial's. we both know we hate small talk. So let us get this over with, We  don't want to waste each others time, But our body wants more, My heart is confused. Are you going to let me in? or will you build a higher wall. I walk down memory lanes but now I guess it is fading away. I sit here and wait, Looking at your pretty face. No words but only smiles from you. You know I cant read minds? Do not feed me with lies, because I know you will let me choose, Your Body only and no Heart, or you will give me your heart but not your body.

Medicine.

There I was looking outside my window, Picked up my Medicine. I was looking afar saw the birds flying, I picked up my Medicine. I wish I could still be what I used to be but I took my Medicine.
My head went blank, Because of the Medicine. My arm had lines Like branches on a tree, so deep like a pit. I took my medicine, Slowly taking it in my mouth. I laid there on my bed. with the medicine slowly drifting inside me.

Caged

The hardest part is suppressing the monsters in your head. Even if you let it out a little, It will destroy you slowly. Today I almost broke my hand, This is why you need to always suppress no matter how hard it is. You need to control it, There are certain things in the worlds you cant let run freely like an unleashed dog. I need to contain it, Or ill lose it. Even if its killing you in the inside, Just let your ears stay open. Even if the words hurt, Even if you want to flip the table. No don't. Don't lose it, because if you do, you will lose your humanity. And I'm almost at my end. I don't know when I can still suppress. All I can do is listen while my mind slowly fades away.

penitence

Walking down the street, Only the night lights are my Guide. Drunken laughter all around. Its funny that happiness can be easily made, But also it can be easily taken away. Hands in my pockets, smoke in my mouth. The winter snow falls down, It felt like it was summer the other day. but time goes down so quickly. Times ticks and waits for no one. I wanted to be frozen. So I was. And now I'm way behind. So hard to catch up, Like a train that has already left. I watch time as it fades away. I might be lost you say? Even if I knew the way I would not know which way to go. Roads never end, and they also don't stay the same. My head was a cage for my trouble thoughts, If I ever opened the door. My heart would not bleed crimson red, Black as hate would flow, No I was never a kind person, So kill me slowly please, Maybe with a kiss. I deserve this you see. For I pulled the trigger and let my life wonder. Yes It was I, so don't blame your self. Let me carry this load, And slowly prick my skin with kindness...

Blissful Solace.

Isn't this a Bliss? But why are there tears running down my face? I'm happy right? Or maybe I smile because I'm sad. My hands are on the keys of the piano, I can't control them. My eyes are closed because I want them to stay that way. I want to be lost in reverie, Please don't call my name or tap me on the shoulder, I don't want to find my way back home, I want to go as far away as possible, Let me dream even if its for a while. The walls are closing in I can feel it, No need to remind me that time is starting to tick again, Because I can hear it in the background, But please let me stay this way, Lost in reverie like a cigarette daydream. The click of the Camera, These flashes of memories, The tears just keep on coming, Why do we live to make these memories, Just to lose them in the end? I want to question But please don't give me an answer, So please just listen. Listen very closely, Because if you cant hear me breath any more I think my time has already ended. Forget me if you will, But please Just listen. Listen to the beat of my heart, Because if you don't listen closely, You wont notice it fade away. Don't let your eyes wonder, If you can please just watch me. Closely like when you observe a child in a cradle. Because if you don't, Maybe the next time you look I wont be there any more. Forget me if you will, But let me stay on the Ninth Cloud, In this blissful reverie. 

I Dont know.

I'm running out of words, I did not even notice my clocked has died, It died about 2 weeks ago. I just thought time has stopped. I remember last time I looked outside my window there was still snow, Now the sun is shining so bright. What day is it? Do I even know what year is it? these walls around me they seem to get closer and closer everyday. I did not even notice the lid on my face, What is this space? I can hear them putting dirt on my box. I guess this is the end?

My Friend

It follows me like a Shadow, When I think ill be safe in the night, It will be there standing in the corner watching me, It keeps me awake in the night. And in the day it sticks to me, Going where ever I go it is there beside me. It eats me like when a bee buzzes into a flower sucking it's nectar. But after a long time spending time with it, I kind of don't mind it any more, I guess I can say it has been a part of my life, Unlike most friends,  It has  always been there for me no matter what. It hugs me tight, Clings to me and never wants to let go. Oh my Dear friend, Loneliness, Why are you my only friend? 

Subjugate

There he was on the edge of the world, ready to jump in to the abyss, After he saw her he did not know what he could do any more. Don't Hold back, it was always a mirage. swept away by a breeze, the world suddenly stood still. bleeding in the middle of the night. he did everything to stop his mind from leaving. Because he knew everything was a lie, But still he hoped.

A Poem For You.

Roses are red 

Violets are blue

I'm writing this 

poem just for you

So hear me out

cause I'm running out of time

so here's a lime, go eat it. 

and you will be fine.

but wait, i got a dime

ill buy dinner for two

it wont be that much 

but at least its food

we were going to drive

down the lane

but it suddenly rained 

so we sat in our car

and looked afar

to see the sunset 

beneath the waves

as the night ascended 

the moon presented itself above

the pristine sky 

and we were delighted 

I took your hand 

and kissed it goodnight

I drove you home 

and said goodbye 

Mute.

Each day that passes by, My voice fades away. I'm scared that one day I wont be able to scream your name. Would you remember me? Or would I fade away like ashes of a cigarette, throwing me unto the ground and walking away like nothing happened. 

The Encounter

And there she stood like a scene from a movie, it was so cliché it made me shiver. She was standing on the platform of the train station, I don’t know why in these waves of faces it was only her who I noticed. Maybe it was her hair but it was black as the night above. The smoke was rising from the cigarette that I was holding I did not even notice that the ashes was falling onto my jacket. What is this feeling? Why did I notice her? I was confused and irritated for I never lay my eyes on anyone. I hate this feeling because sometimes when I see a girl of that beauty I imagine a life with them. Thus stimulating a sense of false hope. When the train finally arrived the wind slapped me across the face making me come back to my senses. When I entered the train I saw her again, she was still standing on the platform. My eyes where fixed on to her, her face looked sweet and innocent. Her eyes as blue as the ocean, Lips red but not from her lipstick it was all natural. When the train started moving, our eyes met and she showed a smile and I almost fainted inside, because it was truly a good view. My heart was racing like never before I tried to control it because I did not want to admit it. I was infatuated, after a while of day dreaming I finally controlled my loose emotions.

 There I was my back against the wall, I'm a veteran in the field I shall not let my self be fooled with this false emotions for I already have thrown them away. Hope shall only bring despair for this is the path that I have chosen, I am a nihilistic loner, my philosophy was never spot on but I say things based on experience, I live by my own words and maybe some phrases from books I've read. I did not want this false emotions to make me awake at night for I was already sleepless, love has no bounds and it is stronger than hatred, the only problem with love is that sometimes it’s hard to know if it is real or not. People tend to use love in a careless way nowadays some speak it so casually but in truth they don’t even know what it means. My mind was confused. Questions where heading straight into my head like who was she? Where is she from? Does she go to my school? Or will I ever see her again? Hopefully next time when I see her I won’t feel this way any more. No I'm sure next time I won’t even care about the sight of her even if she tried to look at me I know I'm only a fool In her eyes, for most of the time most girls don’t even want to be looked at. Most think that men are nothing but foul creatures only trying to get into them into bed, I think its biased why should one think and label everyone as the same. But I knew there was no point in lecturing people whose ears don’t even listen. People will always tell you that they will listen and be there for you, they only say that because they don’t want to be rude, plus they try to have an image to maintain. For me, fake people have an image to maintain but normal people just don’t really care, whatever you call them or see them as. They already know deep inside what they are. And will just ignore petty comments about them.

The night sky was beautiful you could see the starts shining above, you can try and counting them but I'm sure you won’t be able to give a number. Just like my mind, it was filled with questions. Sometimes I don’t want to know the answers for I think knowledge is scary. The more you knew the more problems it will just give you. Finally after a long day, I have arrived home, my feet were aching, and I hurried up to my room to lay my face on my bed. Wrapped myself in my blanket feeling all cozy and warm, I closed my eyes and went on to dream land. 

Reverie

Beneath the trees, A calm breeze. The sun was shining, The leaves dancing. There he was laying on the grass with his arm on his eyes, The birds singing, fluttering above his head. He stood up to see the grass dancing from the wind. Lost in reverie he thought that he was still asleep, Like a cigarette daydream.

Oyasumi PunPun

I always believed that everyone in this world was far nicer and smarter than me. That no matter how unlikeable they seemed to be, they still had a good conscience and had justifiable circumstances for acting the way they did. That’s why I hated myself for being so timid and depressed when I didn’t even have any good reason for doing so. …But now I see that there actually are people who’re despicable in every way and don’t blink twice at ruining another’s life. Now that I think about it, it’s almost strange. Why don’t most people try to kill other people? How can they just stand by and let the scum have their way without the slightest indifference? Maybe my expectations were too high. I’m only disappointed because I expected something from them. But the answer was quite simple all along. There’s no such thing as a decent human being in this world. Not a single one. I did what I had to do. And I feel quite refreshed after doing it. That’s why I can say that this world could afford to be a little more chaotic. - By PunPun Onedera From Oyasumi PunPun

Home.

She was sitting on the couch, Hugging her knees, Desperately waiting. The only sound you could hear was the ticking of the clock. Her mind was full of doubt. She waited, pondered, and wondered. With her head tilted, she looked outside of the window, Counting each leaf that has fallen from the tree. It seemed like an eternity, She was slowly losing the hope she once had. She would let out a sigh from time to time. She did her best not to whine for she knew that it would not accomplish anything. She always remembered the words that she was told. "I'll be back" that's what he said to her. And those words were graved into her like a marking on a gravestone. She could not wait any longer, She wanted to hug him, she wanted him to squeeze the sorrow out of her. Maybe punch him a little just to be playful. And then suddenly a knock on the door, She was startled like a deer in the woods hearing a hunter. She quickly rushed to the door, Opened it with a big smile on her face. But this smile did not last long for tears suddenly burst out from her tired eyes. It was him, but at the same time it was not. He was there on a piece of paper on the back of the newspaper, Right next to a Eulogy.

Crossroads

Life is Confusing, Some may have found their path but some are lost. Lost like Alice in Wonderland, slowly tumbling down to a world that we have never seen before, we see roads everywhere leading to places of unknown. Out of curiosity we go and pick which road we seem Fit to our liking. It may lead us to despair. It may also give us happiness. But for me, I don’t know which road to take. I'm stuck at a crossroads where ever I go. Voices in the air telling me where to go, I feel like I'm driving down Las Vegas, all this flashy signs and flashy lines telling me where to go and where to start. They tell me that I'm deeply lost in procrastination, so what’s the use of Persuasion? Like a Rubik’s Cube I try to solve thee, this problem I see in me. I try to follow this map in my mind, pinpointed like quests in an RPG. But somehow the breeze takes it away from me. I try to chase it down, I reach out my hand only to see a mirage of the plans that I wanted to be. Shattered and puzzled this darkness devours me, it shackles me into a long state of solitude. It ties a large rock onto my leg, slowly it drowns me into the ocean of once my dreams. As the bubbles rise I see the suns light glimmering at me. Is this the end? Like the sands that I touch with my hands it just slowly escapes pouring down back to earth. My mind and my heart battling in rage which one do I believe? As a Duo in performance, a Violinist and a Pianist both were born to be soloist they rage like a lion trapped in a cage, not giving in. they both want to win but only one victor can be announced. Is this how things are supposed to be? I for one think that with symphony this duo can create beautiful music. Thou shall not try to overcome each other but to work together. Like an orchestra, I’ll let them run free with my emotions and maybe someday, I will know where to stand, And Which road to take. Even now I know I'm falling down a rabbit hole, this thing we call life is still a puzzle to me. I’ll grow stronger because I feel pain. And feeling pain means you are still alive. I may let some people down along the way but I get to choose what path to take, All I can say Confusion embraces me like a mother holding her child tightly. Maybe someday I’ll break this bond. This chains that that suppresses me. I’ll break free. But for now ill rest in Solitude and walk along the boulevard of broken dreams. Lost but not defeated I know a lighthouse will guide me out of this darkness.